It’s really hard not to worry right now. There are times I wake up and can’t go back to sleep at 3am because I’m worried we overdrew our account and there’s nothing we can do about it. I’m worried about the payment to such and such bill that I can’t pay because we don’t get paid for another 10 days, which puts me behind in another bill.
This is a tough time right now not to worry. I’m waiting to hear if my oldest is accepted to the public magnet school for next year…and if he’s not, what’s plan B? I’m worried my husband won’t get any classes to teach this summer, and we’ll have another three months with no paycheck from his side, putting us further and further behind.
But, I don’t want to be that person who worries all the time. I am a control freak, but right now, this is really out of my control. I can only trust God to provide, and let it go, but I can’t. Praying about it helps, but then it happens again.
Times are tough all around, whether it’s finances, health, job, relationships….everyone’s got something on their plate that is out of their control. What we choose to do with the feelings it creates in us is what these verses are all about. We can worry about these things till we haven’t slept for days, so much that it makes us sick to our stomachs and put our heads in the ground because we can’t find a solution…but God asks us to dwell on Him…dwell on what is noble, what is right, what is pure, what is lovely and what is admirable…he will take care of the rest.
Recently, I’ve started praying with my oldest son about our finances. He sees a new toy that he’d like to have, but really, we just can’t right now. He has an understanding of something being too expensive…more so that not having any money. So, we are praying to God…not for the new toy, but that He would provide us with the money we need at the right times, and if that includes a new toy, so be it, but we are praying for God’s provision. Now, he doesn’t ask me for the new toy continually, he asks me if God gave us the money we need yet. I’m not sure in his just-turned-five mind what that means, but it reminds me that God is in control of this. He sees our need. He sees that we may not even have $2 to our name until Friday and that we have no meat in the house. He sees my struggle to pay bills and be a good steward now, in spite of mistakes we made in the past that got us into this situation in the first place.
Two nights ago I felt like Jesus feeding the 5000 (in a small way). I pulled the last of the meat out of the freezer and thought we only had two pieces, so I told my mother-in-law that I’d just eat rice and beans and let my husband and father-in-law have the meat. Not really a big deal to me. When I was separating the meat, there were actually four pieces and enough for all. I gave the glory to God that He saw our need and provided. It’s in the little things. It was only one meal, and left us “meat-less” after that, but it was one meal. He tells us not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough of its own. I need to focus on the NOW. I need to focus on the good things and leave the difficult and seemingly impossible up to God. That doesn’t mean I won’t do my share, that I won’t go to work or call the bill companies to work it out, but I will leave the huge insurmountable details up to God.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” ~Philippians 4:8